Lately I’ve been feeling extremely fortunate. This is kind of surreal, considering how many things have been going wrong, but I have this crazy feeling that things aren’t as bad as they seemed several months ago. Life continues to be a mixed bag.
I hand-delivered the check once I had it, and as the words came pouring out about having to pay for my divorce, the state mandated parenting class (which was FOUR HOURS LONG), and vehicle repairs -I felt like a loser making excuses. Despite the embarrassment of having to explain to the landlord why I didn’t have his payment on time, I managed to stay upbeat and his warmth and understanding renewed my faith in humanity.
My kids are doing a little better in school than they were when we told them about the divorce, or during the weeks when I was moving my things out of their father’s house. Even after we had most of our stuff in the new apartment and things felt like they were returning to normal, the boys were both struggling with behavior or homework and I felt like I was out of mental steam every night of the week.
Don’t get me wrong, we still have challenges and they both still have areas where they could improve.
But I no longer feel as if I’m the worst mother ever. As I get into the routine and meet the people I’ll be working with at my new job, I’m filled with new hope and excitement about what I can contribute and how much I enjoy where I am.
Even my love life has become a source of joy and hope, which was honestly the last thing I expected. Every day I am amazed at how much my life has changed in the last six months, or how different I am from who I was a year ago. Maybe I can leave some of the self-criticism behind me now and get back to self-improvement.
Also, I love my cat and I don’t care who knows it.